Lost Again

Sometimes, when life gets overwhelming, I tend to forget who I truly am. I begin to hate life, to wish it were over, or that it had never existed, for me, in the first place. But... then I get to the end of my road, and I find something to remind me that it's not all bad and that I'm trying to do or be something that I'm really not. Part of who it is I am, is a minimalist. Simplicity is my Holy Grail. I practice it in theory, not altogether in actuality. I guess genetics plays a role here; my parents were packrats. They were not sloppy, but they never got rid of stuff. I tend to be somewhat of a slob, not dirty, just cluttery. I never really did go for the "good life", you know, big house, fancy car, big bank account, but when my pockets are light, I loathe the decisions I'd made...but, I remember... One of the happiest times in my life is when I was in the Army in Hawaii. I lived in a one-room apartment for a month and then in the barracks, I didn't have a car, and few possessions. I had no baggage, it was liberating; then I spent 20 years accumulating a couple of tons of junk, and now I feel chained. For the past few months I've been in a funk, bored and depressed(call it cabin fever-blah!). Now that spring is coming I feel a renewed sense of self. My biggest problem is that I'm jaded. I've "been there, done that" so much so that nothing piques my interest anymore, at least nothing that I can afford. I'm also geting old, not too old, but the aches and pains of age are starting to catch up to me. Another thing that beleaguers me is regret. Whoever it was that said "have no regrets" is an idiot. Having no regrets is for assholes who die young, they have no time to regret; I... regret a lot of things.
Enough blathering for now, tomorrow is supposed to be a beautiful day, and I plan to exercise
my monniker and go for a walk. I know I'll feel better, at least for a little while.